Random Musings

Note to self:
Do not miss class. When you miss class (even for a conference!) you end up stuck presenting on the DNA article, which you don't understand, even a little bit.

So I'm procrastinating reading that article, because really, who wants to read about epigenesis? Not me,  that's who. I'm just having trouble focusing in general. I have a million things I could focus on, and not all of them are boring or difficult. I could, for example, start trying to plan the bachelorette party, which would be fun. I like parties. I like planning. But, alas, I have the attention span of a tweaked-out toddler right now. Also, the concept of planning something from 2500 miles away does provide some degree of difficulty.

I am in the mood for adventuring, but I don't even know where to begin. And it's still cold. I feel like it is much easier to be adventurous when it is warm. And adventuring tends to cost money, which is something that grad students don't have in abundance.

I've noticed that I've been particularly touchy about people/things/comments/comics that are objectifying lately. I feel like that is probably something that I should look into more. I think the whole idea of seeing sex, and by extension, people, as commodities, is really upsetting to me. My Christian Friends might even call it a "Holy Discontent". I really need to sort out my thoughts about God/the Church/my Faith/how I feel about Eternity/etc., but that seems to be wrapped up in therapy, which takes time, energy, and money that I don't really have right now. I do know that in the short run it will take a lot of time, energy, and money, but in the long run fixing those and other issues will create more time, energy and (maybe) money, but I just don't think I'm ready to make that short-term investment yet. I'll get there eventually. I think. I usually come around to the things that are best for me after some time.

Trying to lose weight is such a pain. All the things I really like to eat are high-calorie and not very filling. Being mindful kinda blows, because then you have to hold yourself accountable to your higher-order goals, and there isn't much I like less than being accountable. And it originally flew off, but then I gained some of it back, and I'm trying to get back down again. And exercising is just not working out for me that well. I'm too tired to wake up early and do it, and I would totally do it in the afternoon/evening, but I'm too lazy to shower and do my hair/makeup again, so I don't. And the Dr.'s office has not called me back about a referral for a sleep study, because, let's face it--my sleeping is disordered somehow.

I want to see my friends back home. I want people who speak my language. I feel like I'm less homesick than I was when I first got here, but now it seems like the little things are starting to pile up a little bit. It's like when I went on the pill--I was on a bad one for me, and while it did eliminate my crazy moodswings, it lowered my baseline annoyance level. Everything that used to bother me before now still bothers me, but I am somehow less capable of letting it roll off my back. It's like having a scab that you can't stop picking at. It won't heal unless you leave it alone, but it seems like a lot of things here just pick at the scab. No one speaks my language, or at least, no one here is as fluent in my language as the people back home. I feel like a loser complaining about it though, because it isn't that bad. It really isn't. I generally like the people and stuff here, but some little things are just... annoying.

I was glad that the Giants won last night. I feel bad for Eli, everyone always says he's the lesser man, the lesser QB compared to his brother. And that's just sad. It must suck to be great, but not as great as your brother. But now he has more rings than Payton, so maybe people will leave him alone. I made mom's salsa, and everyone loved it. Big surprise. People always love her salsa.

I would really like to cook more, but I run into 2 main problems: I'm tired at the end of the day, and I feel like it really isn't worth the effort to cook for one. Eating the same thing for a week gets old. So I tend to cook more when I am cooking/eating with the Boy, but that's still only like twice a week. Le sigh. Oh well. I really should work now.